Still kicking....

and screaming through life!

Been trying to get an idea of where I should be and what I should be doing. Still haven't figured it out. Not by a long shot.

Just turned 38 a few weeks ago. With it came the conclusion that Blue Bird would be an only child here on this Earth. The Wizard had been very clear that he could not go through another pregnancy. Too afraid to lose me - to afraid to say good-bye to another little one. So - with my increase in years came my acceptance of no more kids. Heart broke a little - but I did start to be okay with it - what choice did I have?

The Wizard has been working out of state for the past four weeks. Came home for a day - and dropped the bomb - he wants another little one. Out of the blue. No lead up to the conversation - just boom - "I want Blue Bird to have a little sister or brother". Needless to say - I had no idea how to respond. So - he's left back out after being home about 24 hours (gone for another 4 to 6 weeks) - and I am sitting here trying to figure out where I go with this information.

Never thought I would hesitate. I'm at a loss.