Still here....

Life has a way of getting in the way of everything else. Things have seemed to be weighing so hard on my heart and mind - most days I wake up vomiting - I find myself at this time of night in such an excited state of panic and anxiety that I feel like I'm just going to spontaneously combust - and having the feeling that it wouldn't be such a bad thing.
anger
self blame
frustration
trapped
out of control
waiting for the next axe to fall
I have been a rain cloud. I can't even say one is following me around - I AM THE CLOUD. And I hate it. I know - I am taking steps to try to get out of the place I am.... I have started seeing a counselor. Our plan of action - to teach me to control my emotions and my anger.... and hope that it in turn helps with all the other mess that is my brain and heart.

Well - I will try to keep you posted on my progress. Really hoping I can shake this. I really don't want Blue Bird growing up - thinking mom is off her rocker.

Gotta quit looking over my shoulder - seeing where that next tornado is....